"I Will Laugh"-- Say it with me.

Many of us have felt like we've just walked through hell.....*cough*, excuse me, I meant 2020. It's been tiring and the depression it has induced has been very real. We've had to become more resilient and that's a side effect of any struggle.

We all have a bit of a story attached to the point in our life that we have reached. All the stories are different. If our stories intertwine, they may sound different from mouth to mouth. However, each one is special.

Has something ever happened to you? A death? A lost friend? An illness? Something where you felt empty and like God had stripped it all away from you? Everything you valued most?

Then after a while, it felt like you finally knew that God was trying to teach you something you'd never forget? Have you felt that?

We all have. A lot of times women's emotions are more openly tender than men's so if you are a dude reading this, take what I say and try to understand how we are (*chuckle*) if you dare. :) 

However, emotions that help to make women who they are are so powerful. They aren't a symbol of weakness, they are part of our identity. We are more tender because we are the teachers, the nurturers, the growers, the doctors, nutritionists, caregivers, and guidance of future generations. This identity gives a whole new meaning to Descartes' famous statement, "I think, therefore I am". Our minds work differently, so our responses are often severe; but they nevertheless give us a state of being in this world. 

It is not uncommon for women to react differently to crisis. Some face it with fierce resilience, never half-hearted, and then later cry in a closet. Some women wear their hearts on their sleeves first, work through the emotions first, pack them away, and then roll up those sleeves. These reactions might seem like women are all polar opposites and make it even harder for us to be understood. Sometimes it seems so, but give us time. We prove our worth in our strengths as well as our differences that God gives us. 

Speaking of worth. How much are you worth, young woman?

Some of us only feel that we are worth as much as our reaction that we find ourselves in. Other times, we may or may not take what other people say about us to heart. 

To offer a challenge to that second statement, I would suggest taking words of criticism, weighing their validity through prayer and scripture, and use them as a means of personal strength and growth. 

I wrote this poem for other young women. It targets how powerfully we feel in a crisis of any kind. What it also relates is how many of us often respond. We struggle. Grip hard. Beg God. Plead for the Impossible. This poem has a name, but I won't include it. I want you to interpret it through your own situation. Wherever I use the pronoun "I", put your name in and I want you to join me in reaching the same conclusion we all reach at the end of a long path; 

God. Never. Fails. 

His. Love. Never. Fails. 

His. Hope. Is. Sure.

So you, young woman, feel your situation. I have felt a few over the last few months, and others over the last year. Be bold in owning how you feel. Let that emotion be how you let the situation go from your control to God's. That is when, my friend, you will find your greatest source of strength and come closer to being the woman God has called you to be. 

If you're in the middle of a situation right now, trust me, you WILL soon laugh without fear of the future.

I thought I held a sure thing in my hands

I was happy, feeling right, and feeling whole.

I relied on something else to give me what I needed.

I wanted peace, and hope, and love in my soul.

I prayed the words I thought I meant

Every single word for my hopes and dreams

To make it all real, I knew that I can’t

But I prayed that God would hold together splitting seams.

In such prayers, I thought that I knew best

Rested only on my hopes, my heart, my thoughts

Knowing not that I’d be put to rigorous test

And that all my self-composed wisdom was for naught.

I read and I craved; I hoped and I prayed

Looked forward to the fruit of my endeavors

I held control, I held it all, and it, violently shaking, stayed.

Only until the moment when my waiting felt like never.

Yes, I cried, the weakness was severe.

Wrenched inside, everything was stripped away

Raw and open succumbed to tears.

Not willing at the moment to face another day.

I was told to not give power to my pain,

I was advised to lean on God, to give up fear.

I blindly searched for meaning again

It was dark, and I was told that God was near.

I couldn’t see Him, but in weakness believed Him

I ran forward to the hands I sensed were close to me

I did what it took, and kept climbing to reach the limbs.

But constantly His hands bore me up this tree.

With each and every stumbling step I took

I managed to stand up a little straighter

And even though my confidence, the pain shook

It was rebuilt again, and not for carnality either.

 I was told once that God knew all ends

He had my life planned out for me

So why should I worry, why should I tend

When He holds every detail I can’t see.

Even though a healing heart cries louder

And, God, it tries to drown out your voice,

I won’t be weak any more or the doubter

I will face You willingly with my choice.

You created love and you created me

It is natural for me to feel what I have felt.

All things are beautiful and wondrous in Your time

And just to know that, in your presence, I will melt.

Power is yours, and You give all I need.

I have no desire to overstep that bound

Because in my heart, you’ve carefully planted seed.

And a song is there, you wrote it, what a sound!

 For you are holy and you are righteous, and my King

And though I feel like sometimes I know best,

I know that you are Lord of everything

And that in you, Oh God, is where I’ll find my rest.

Worthy not is my desire, worthless is my strength

My hope is weakened in the presence of your grace alone

I cannot measure my life within the scope of its length

In its shadow, my disparity is made known.

Though the pain was severe and the heart was dead

My soul knew God would fail me never

His hope is alive, His love is my stead,

And God's "wait" or "never" feels like my surrender.