Discovering A Path Part 1: It's a Journey!

Somebody give me a big fat amen! 

This morning, I felt like falling in my coffee. I'm sure that's how about a million other people felt waking up this morning, so it was good to be a part of a community if it was only a community of  Monday miserables. :D

Holding up a six-class load of online college courses is an interesting dynamic to combine with the day to day life of being 20 years old and part of a homeschooling household/hobby farm. I told myself I was up for the challenge though, so with a fine balance of coffee thrown into the morning mix, I told myself it would be a cinch. That was about two months ago... now I'm laughing, but don't regret it for a minute.

Getting to be at home in the middle of things and a part of life around my family is something that I definitely wouldn't trade for anything else. I almost did though, so I'd like to tell you about that.

Back in January, when I found out that the music school where I was teaching piano would be closing, I applied for a job at a local newspaper. Thinking my parents would approve the opportunity and I would get to be in print were two appealing factors. However, I wasn't ever expecting to be offered a position there on the spot of the interview. I needed time to think.

I can honestly tell you I struggled with the decision. Knowing that I had just been accepted for the Spring 2019 semester at Clayton State University online was something else I hadn't expected to juggle at the same time. I knew that if I did both the job and the online schooling, my family would never see me and I fell into a really sad state of mind that I couldn't shake.

But after listening to the counsel of my parents that encouraged me to give the great opportunity a try, I started a four-class schedule and the position at the newspaper. My apprehensions proved very nearly correct. College classes combined with doing coverage on multiple events and meetings per week (then transcribing and writing those events and meetings into stories) took up 99% of my waking hours which were 8:00 - nearly 1:00 a.m. every day. It got old very very fast, and I tired of not being able to spend time with people I was close to and cared about the most.

I was encouraged to not give up after expressing these concerns to a few people, so for the sake of not being deemed a quitter, I carried on while praying silent prayers for guidance.

When the time came to register for classes this semester, I was made aware of needing 18 more class hours in order to begin receiving HOPE reimbursement. I knew I couldn't begin to afford the thousands it would cost to complete two more semesters so I opted for a large class schedule to reach the 30-hour goal sooner.

The drawback I had with this was that I would definitely need to quit my job that had become even more demanding than I had originally bargained for. So my parents looked at me dead in the face and asked me a question that made me melt into what I felt was a hot mess. "Do you enjoy your job?" I answered without hesitation, "No. No, I don't." My mom asked me, "Why didn't you say anything before?" I said, "Because I felt like I would be giving up on what everyone was telling me was a great opportunity. I didn't want it to look like I was a quitter when the going got tough." She then told me, "I do not think you are a quitter."

There was more said, but this last statement was all I needed to hear. It affirmed everything I was thinking, and not only that, it was the answer to my prayer to God earlier that day. I had asked him to prepare the hearts of my parents for that conversation I knew we were going to have. He answered my prayers. The truth was, they wanted me to know for myself what I needed to do. That was not a decision they wanted to make for their adult child, so with a whole lot of need and humility I had to approach the Throne of Grace alone.

I discovered a few things about myself through that job though but one of the more important things I learned was this: Sometimes dealing with difficult things in our lives is God's way of preparing us for even more difficult paths of our journey. If I worked that job for this reason alone, it will have been worth it because I am now that much more prepared for what God has for me.

So my purpose for this post is to reach out to young women like myself. It is not a "Don't Do What I Did" post because your life journey looks considerably different from mine and it is unique. I want to share the tough things I experience, the not so pretty things, in hopes that you will find some measure of hope for the small trials you experience.

Pursuing purpose is a difficult choice, especially for those of us who are female and anywhere from 18-25 years old (unmarried). We are told repeatedly what we should be doing to be successful adults. Sometimes we listen to the shouts of the culture instead of the whispers of God because we have chosen to listen to the voice that is louder and the image we can see and physically experience. I've fallen in that trap before.

Choosing a path as a young woman is difficult because our society forces us to latch on to the majority's definition of success. I am not saying that working is wrong, but if you know in your heart of hearts that something isn't right with a path you are facing, PRAY. Pray like you never have before. Seek God with your whole heart so that He will be the one to make your way plain. I sincerely regret the times I simply wallowed in self-pity and didn't pray. It is a lonely place to be.

Let me tell you something though. When I finally did kneel beside my bed at 2:00 a.m. one morning and pour my desires and exhausted heart before my Savior, I have NEVER in my life felt such an unexplainable peace about a problem I was facing.

Handing over the reins of control to God is difficult initially, especially for me, because it is our tendency to want to control. We in our human nature tend to oppose anything that we aren't physically familiar with in exchange with our own "reliable" perceptions about life.

I had debated for the last 2 months on sharing this story with those of you that read this blog because I was afraid of one thing: being judged for quitting or giving up an opportunity in exchange for something less exciting. It's the truth. I was hesitant. However, God has made Himself perfectly clear over even this short amount of time that I am now EXACTLY where He wants me to be for the present and I am peacefully resting in this. So my purpose for sharing is to not defend where I am now but to share with you how I got to this point and was brought to this conclusion. It is a conclusion of learning to live less by sight and more on faith so that God's will can be made perfect.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

-2 Corinthians 12:9-

Living this life is unpredictable, exciting, sometimes frustrating, invigorating, maddening, but never in a million years would I call it boring. It's only boring if we are relying on our own path. When we pursue God's path it never fails to be a journey of unpredictable blessing.

Thank you for reading,

Maddy~