Desires of My Heart

What are the desires of your heart? We all have carnal goals and desires, but what about life goals? What kind of place with Christ do you want to be?

This is short and personal, so it's going to come quick and it's going to be truthful. It's a little scary, a bit honest feeling, and frankly a good feeling and a chance for me to open my heart to those of you that have read my blog before and know my mindset.

What have I desired the most as I grow closer to Christ? 

That He would give me opportunities to serve Him and to dwell in a state of worship every day of my existence.

"One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple."

That's a lot to ask for considering I don't deserve it. I am so filthy and unqualified for His grace that sometimes I wonder why He has answered my prayers over the years like He has. 

Then I realize that He redeems. 

We should always fall on our faces in shame before Christ and humble ourselves in His majesty,  but it is His desire that we should come to a spirit of redemption and acceptance of the gift of eternal life. It took me far too long to accept that. I was so distant for so many months leading into years where I questioned grace through trials. Some of these trials were personal and it literally felt like God was burning me from the inside out.

But I believe He did that to show me that something as dirty and sinful as I could still be made beautiful for His service. He wanted to fill me with the longing of Psalm 27:4, which is the verse I both wonder at and rejoice with. My soul longs to behold the Lord in all of His beauty one day!

What do I desire to do with my life (especially my faith)? 

Nothing apart from Christ. 

A relationship with Christ, especially my own, doesn't stop with redemption. We were not sacrificed for in order for us to remain comfortably saved the rest of our lives. We were saved in order to become available vessels for service to the Kingdom of God. 

One thing I have come to realize as I continue to grow in Christ is that ministry is an opportunity, a blessing, a joy....not an obligation. It's not something we should do simply because we feel obligated to God in return for our salvation. Being dedicated to Him in ministry is an act of joyful surrender and submission, but more so a love for the Gospel and the desire to share your joy of salvation with another. 

Ministry isn't a showcase of your good deeds. I personally never want someone to observe what I do and commend ME for it. I don't do anything observable or unobservably good that is worthy enough for me to receive praise. The word praise and its object are, in my opinion, solely reserved to God. 

"Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven."

And that is the only reward I am going to seek for the rest of my life. 

No matter the path, no matter the pain. I'll stumble, I'll fail, I'll sometimes blame my circumstances for my fear and discontentment...because I am fallible. But it doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying and admit defeat. I'm not going to let my sin be my defeat. I'm going to let redemption from that be my fuel to victory. 

What sort of victory do I desire in the end?

The only victory I seek at my life's close, whenever He wills that, is the one I will hear one day when I see Jesus face to face. May I by His grace alone live life in such a way as to one day hear these words. 

"His Lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy Lord."!!!